"So why are you still single?"

Gosh i love this question, it's right up there with some of my other favorite questions like "are you sleeping?" "and have u gained weight?" Seriously, whoever decided that it was socially acceptable to ask these questions should be dragged out into the street and shot.

But on the real though, as much as i hate this question i used to hate it soooo much more. There's so much pressure, especially for young women, to be everything; to have the great job, with the great salary and the great title, the great credit score, the great home/car/gadgets, the great social life, the great friends, great education, the great hobbies, the great health and workout routine, the flawless body/fashion/hair and makeup and of course the great relationship. and all of this greatness much be accomplished while wearing stilletos...give me a break!

There is so much pressure to be GREAT that it's quite frankly exhausting! But when things are not GREAT the first thing we do is blame ourselves and our own short comings and begin to obsessively work towards "fixing" that area in our lives; because SURELY if we work hard we can have anything we want and we can be anything we want! The only limits we have are the ones we give ourselves! I mean that's what we've been taught right?! This is America we are free, go forth live the dream! take what you want! good things come to those wait, but only the things left behind by those who hustle...that's our motto, and it's right, right?!

Wrong. Now let me explain, it's right in a lot of aspects, work hard, live your dreams, push yourself, do more, be more, life's short be ALL YOU CAN! I absolutely agree in working hard and going after what you want and your dreams! The only area where i think it doesn't work is love. Ladies (and gentlemen) I've learned this the hard way YOU CAN'T MAKE ANYONE LOVE YOU. You can be everything they ever needed and more... you can be the most beautiful and amazing person ever but if HE (or she) ain't for you, then he (or she) ain't for you. So hunny take my advice if he wants to walk let him, don't go running after him, let him GO, hell hold the door open for him! TD Jakes said "your destiny is never tied to anybody that left". Sometimes we try so hard to hold on to what God is trying to tear apart! How can He give you what you really need when your hands are full with some mess you don't need.

I don't say these things lightly or without expieriencing the lonely, I'm 25 and most of my friends are either married, have kids, or are on their way down the aisle. Do i feel left behind? sure. Do i feel out of place? all the time. Do i think it's my fault? not anymore. See i used to beat myself up saying it's got to be me, maybe if i just do this or be this maybe then he'll love me or want me or whatever...all that did was leave me hurt and still alone.

So here's what I'm thinking, I'm gonna focus on me from now on. I'm gonna quit comparing myself to every other person in the world. I'm gonna be the best me i can for me and for God. See i'm realizing for the first time in my life that my ways are not His ways, and my thoughts are not His thoughts, and my plans are not His plans. And honestly for the first time in my life i'm ok with that. I'm gonna seek Him first and let all these other things be added because He knows the desires of my heart. So, I'm gonna let Jesus take the wheel, cuz i got a feeling i might actually end up where I'm supposed to be...

My first time...

So this is my first time...and I'm kinda nervous, I mean you're first time is supposed to be special right? I mean what if i do something wrong, or say something silly ?! Relax folks I'm just saying that this is my first time blogging! *awkward but relieved sigh breathes from the two people in the world reading this* Oh wait i could be lying, i think i had a livejournal back in the day, but oh well we're not counting that.

Anywho allow me to introduce myself my name is Tricia and for those who don't know me, I'm a 25 year old black and puerto rican, hard working, super fun at parties crazy passionate, lovin' Jesus social worker. I work at a nursing home with the elderly and I LOVE it! Not everyday do i love the job and certainly not everyday do I love their CUHRAZAY family members but everyday i love my old people! And that's a fact.

Ok now that you know a little about me, you're probably wondering why I decided to call my blog "Innocent Bystander". The fact of the matter is I've always enjoyed the term , truthfully I always wanted to start a band and name it that, I have it all dreamed out, you see I'd be the drummer in an all-girl punk band...I'd have pink liberty spikes and a labre piercing...but I'd only tour and play on the weekends, I'd be a normal person all week long.... then Friday nite pink spikes! LOL total double life stuff, seriously like Clark Kent would have nothing on me...but since my dad told me i have no natural drum playing rhythm it's just a dream!

The funny thing is as much as I like the term it's kinda dumb when you really start to break it down, now just go with me here..."Innocent Bystander". First of all is anyone of us out there really "innocent" sure maybe you're innocent of whatever that situation is going on at the moment but come on folks none of us are exactly pure as the driven snow, know what I mean? And furthermore, what's up with "bystander" why the heck are you just standing by when all this was poppin off? why didn't ya get out the way? more importantly why did you even stop?

I heard a sermon once from a pastor I admire that says you should never be doing "nothing" in life. You should always be working towards a goal and moving towards your destiny. You're either moving forward or you're moving backwards but either way when we just stand still we let our lives pass us by. People who know me, know I'm constantly on the go, and I'm OK with that 'cause life's too short to stand still. I may not always be moving in the right direction by, hey at least I'm moving...